Here In The End Where Everything Begins
by debzzz
Summary: It's the end. But they're facing it together, it's all that matters. Not a coda for 'Swan Song', but an alternative ending for the Epic Love Story of Sam and Dean. Not wincest unless you want to read it that way.


**Summary:** When a story ends, another one begins. The Winchesters' story ends here and as it has always happened, another one will begin; this time without them. For these boys, this is it. The End.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural nor do I make any profit from this. Thankfully, Mr Kripke owns it and it's as wonderful as it is now thanks to that. Otherwise it would be filled with plotless scenes of sexy boys parading with their shirts off.

**A/N:** This is not wincest but if you want to interpret the boys' love as something more, please feel free. I wrote this as much like canon as possible, having in mind it's just gen and the boys are nothing more than brothers, but being a hardcore wincest fan I can't guarantee that _that_ didn't affect the way I wrote this. Enjoy.

**Spoilers:** Just because I've always wanted to do that…Spoilers for 5.22 _Swan Song_ (is there actually anyone who hasn't watched it yet?)

xxx

Months of fighting, running, hurting, avoiding issues, trying to reach each other, trying to protect themselves and one another and it finally has come down to this. Not that Dean had ever expected a happy ending - or an easy one for that matter, but even _he_ can admit that he had never thought how painful it could be, how difficult it would be to let his brother do what he wanted for once, trust him with the decisions and be left to deal with the aftermath.

He sits there, watching Sam, his form blurry and veiled in red, but it's _Sam_, he doesn't have to keep his eyes open to know what expression is on his face, what his eyes are saying. Still, he doesn't close his eyes. He holds Sam's gaze and he knows, he just _does_, that Sam is still fighting with Lucifer and he knows with all his heart, with every fibre of his being that the reason his brother is winning for the moment is their locked gazes.

So, he doesn't even dare to blink. As the tremors in Sam's body begin, he knows that should he avert or close his eyes, Sam would be gone and he would be left staring at another being, just wearing Sam's body. It seems that once again, he is what keeps Sam going.

As they stand there, watching each other, the air around them shifts, starts to feel heavy, the gusts coming from the hole a few feet behind Sam are picking up, leaves and dust filling the air. It seems like the cage is getting impatient, as if it tries to draw them nearer. And there they stand; locked gazes, bodies frozen, ignoring the cage's call, as Dean realizes that Sam's body is fighting against him, his soul fighting against his body as Lucifer tries to take over.

Sam's nose starts bleeding, his jaw sets, fists so tightly clenched his nails are probably cutting through his flesh. He is fighting still and Dean figures that really, it is no surprise it has come down to this. He is - and will always be, after all - Sammy's strong big brother.

So, he rises on trembling feet, his gaze the only steady thing, still locked with his brother's. He rises and takes a deep breath, the world around him blurry and the shapes vague, the colours blending together. Only one thing is clear as he takes the first painful step; only one thing and it's so blindingly clear it almost hurts.

Dean knows his brother's eyes as he knows the back of his own hand, as he knows the face that looks at him every time he stands in front of a mirror. He focuses on these eyes and takes another step. Sam's pupils are blown, his eyes hard and there is pain written there and fear. Another step and he's yet closer and he can see the hazel around the blackness that has almost taken over the iris and he sees determination and courage. And as the final step brings him right beside Sam, his eyes widen and there is realisation sinking in.

"It's a gonna be okay, Sammy," is all he says and with the last bit of his strength, he raises his arm and wraps it around his baby brother, holding him tight, making sure Sam can lean on him and feel as much of his solid body as possible.

He can feel Sam's body tightening and then trembling as he leans into him, a shaking arm coming up to wrap around his chest, keeping him there; a solid source of strength and reason: his big brother.

They stay like that for a while; Dean looses count of how much time has passed. It seems like hours, maybe days, but realistically he knows it's only a couple of minutes tops, they don't have the luxury of time now, but really, when did they ever? They stand there drawing strength from one another and Dean finally decides that he won't ever be more ready than he is now. He won't ever find it easier to take the first step forward, pushing Sam backwards. It won't ever get easier and there won't ever be another chance.

xxx

_Nevad__a, September 1988_

"_Come on, Dean, I really, really want one more bowl."_

"_You just had breakfast, Sammy. Wait till lunch."_

"_But-"_

"_No means no, Sam. Be patient till lunch."_

"_Just one more bowl. Please?"_

_And if Sammy's bright, puppy dog eyes hadn't been enough, his tummy chose that very moment to give a miserable growl. Dean sighed and resigned himself to the fact that really, there was no saying 'no' to his kid brother._

"_Alright, Sammy.__ But just one more bowl. Then you wait till lunch."_

"_Yeah!" Sam's eyes lit up and he beamed to his big brother. Dean filled Sam's bowl with cereal and eyed the last portion left in the box – barely enough for one person. _

_Really, he wasn't worried. His Dad had said he would be back in five days exact and that meant he should be home before tomorrow night. So there was no big deal letting Sam have the last cereal for tomorrow's breakfast. He would eat extra when Dad would be back and they would go for grocery shopping. Besides, Sammy was only five years old, he needed the cereal more than him._

xxx

Dean's fist clenches around Sam's shirt and he knows he's trembling, but it doesn't matter because Sam's trembling too and they're holding on, fighting to keep things going their way. He's shaking and he tells himself it's because of the effort he physically puts to take one more step forward and has nothing to do with how his throat is suddenly thick and he feels like he can't breath, like he can't push out words he may desperately need to say.

xxx

_Wisconsin__, March 1996_

"_But Dean, I promised the guys…"_

"_I know, but Dad said it's too important. He gave his orders, Sammy, you know he won't change his mind."_

"_It's just a couple of days, it's not that long…"_

"_He won't change his mind, you know him. No matter how much you beg, shout or cry."_

"_But if _you_ talked to him…he'd listen to you, Dean."_

"_Forget it, Sam. He said we leave tomorrow, there's no changing the plans."_

"_You won't even try."_

"_Yeah, coz there's no point!"_

"_You don't _know_ that! You won't even _try_!" And with that, Sam stormed off, probably in search of a place where he could sulk and brood in peace by himself._

_Dad had co__me back that night as he'd promised and told the boys to pack their things to be ready to head out first thing in the morning. He proceeded then to pass out on the couch from exhaustion. When Sam finally fell asleep and there was no one around to see Dean being epically stupid, he went in the bathroom, took a shower and then took a seat on the front porch of their room wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers._

_In the end, they stayed four more days in that town, John thoroughly pissed off, Sam excited, yet worried and Dean delirious with fever which only came down enough for him to watch on the third day Sammy's match with the soccer team of the school. If Sam ever suspected anything he never mentioned it._

xxx

There is one final step to be taken and then they will be standing right on the edge of the hole that will swallow them up and Dean has to fight to keep going forward as much as he has to fight to not let the hole suck them in too soon. Because it still is too soon. Somewhere deep inside him, he knows it will always be too soon. But they've set the course of things, there's no going back and all he can do is take an other step forward; steadily, slowly, not trying to stall but savouring these last few moments he gets to hold Sammy.

xxx

_Missouri__, May 1999_

"_Come on, pack your stuff."_

"_Huh?"_

"_Come on, Sammy! Move your lazy ass!"_

"_What? Why? Where're we going?"_

"_Always with the questions! Move!"_

"_Dean…are you okay? Dad just left yesterday, we're not supposed to go anywhere."_

"_Dude, we're in Missouri. A couple of towns over the Red Hot Chili Peppers(1) are playing."_

"…"

"_Close your mouth and s__top staring, it's creepy."_

"_We're going to see the Red hot Chili Peppers__?"_

"_Are you slow or something?"_

"_We're really going?"_

"_No, unless you get ready in the next ten minutes! Dude, you've be talking about it non-stop for ages. It's driving me crazy! So, pack your shit, we have to be back before Dad realizes we're gone."_

"_Wow…Dean, I-__ Thanks…"_

"_Sam. Dude. Stall with the girly thanks and sentimental crap. I'm doing this so you won't make my ears suffer longer than necessary. Just get your damn stuff packed!"_

_Sam didn't say another word. He just packed his stuff and got in the Impala, his grin so wide he thought it would tear his cheeks in half. Dean didn't speak either. Ha pasted on his trademark smirk, all smugness and superiority that apparently came natural with being a big brother. But in reality, he was just happy to drive the car with Sammy, doing something for him - for _them_ - that didn't involve hunting._

xxx

They're finally there, at the edge of the cage, the edge of everything; the edge of their lives. And it's not as bad as it could've been, Dean suddenly realizes. He always expected to die young, sure, maybe not _that_ young, but he always knew that he would die during a hunt. And _this_, this is the biggest hunt of his life – of _anyone_'s life.

He may have always thought that Sam instead would have found a way out of this life, had secretly hoped that maybe he would outlive by long his big brother and Dad. But right now, this very instant where everything ends and everything begins, he can selfishly admit to himself that dying alongside with Sam beats any other kind of end.

He's still looking at Sam and Sam's still looking at him, the familiar shape of his brother's face inches from him and he lets a sigh escape and he finds that it's not that difficult to smile up to his brother at this moment.

"Everything's fine, Sammy," he says and Sam nods, trusting him, believing him, letting Dean take full control of the situation. In this final moment it doesn't seem important that Sam's just letting Dean take control and make the last decision. He's way past being a whiny little kid, or an angry hunter. This last moment of their lives he's just someone who fully trusts his big brother to make everything alright.

Dean takes a breath and he pushes and Sam pulls him along and it feels as if they're going in slow motion, the world slowly tilting; vertigo, gravity and the force of the cage taking hold of them. But it can't be more than a couple of seconds. A couple of seconds that are enough for Dean to realize that he finally understands and is in return understood. That he and Sam are not two different coins, just the two sides of the same coin…so different, yet one can't be without the other. And he embraces this fact, he embraces the differences and the similarities. He embraces all the moments in their lives; the good ones, the bad ones, the ones he cherishes and the ones he'd like to make disappear yet he won't let himself forget.

They fall and the abandoned field in Lawrence, where everything begun, where everything now ends and where everything – inevitably – will begin again, echoes from the winds and the howls coming from deep within the cage as it closes around two brothers that keep falling and still have their hands tightly wrapped around each other's shirts.

And just before the cage closes, just before there is peace in the field, just when everything is a tiny step away from being calm, two broken voices echo in the charged air.

_I love you._

xxx

**(1)** I have no freaking idea if Sam would ever like the Red Hot Chili Peppers…I'm really sorry if that sounded completely OOC, but I don't know much about American bands of the 90s and where they played, so it was convenient. If you have a better suggestion, please feel free to tell me so.

**A/N:** That last episode…it broke me in ways I can't even tell you. I loved it, there's no denying that, it was so filled with love and a sense of brotherhood, but still that ending…I don't know. But I'll save you from my rants and simply state that my own perfect ending would've been something like this fic. Don't get me wrong. I'm way too excited for season six to be sad that this was not the end. I'm just thinking that there's as much chance for the show to epically fail as to go surprisingly well! But I must have faith and reserve my obsession with angst and doomed destinies for fanfiction. This was not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own property.

P.S. I have a favour to ask. If you've read that far and have decided to put this story to your favourite stories list, then would please tell me why you decided to add it, what you liked about it? I swear, I'm not a review-whore, but if you consider this fic as one of your favourites, then tell me at least why. Thank you.


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